Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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