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I think i peed on brittanys purse
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
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