I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
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You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
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I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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