If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize