I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize