Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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