i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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