That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
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the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
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I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
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