does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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