She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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