maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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