Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
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You did a strip tease for the toilet.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
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I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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