Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
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And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
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I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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