do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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