My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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