I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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