Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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