What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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