My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
it hurts more in the daytime
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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