I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Ladies don't puke and tell
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