I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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