Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
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