A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
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we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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