Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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