Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
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Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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