So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
no, he came in my armpit
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My breath smells like gin and sadness
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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