Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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