Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
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Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
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Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize