I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
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Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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