I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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