remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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