I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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