She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
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I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
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Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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