Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
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I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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