i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
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guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
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I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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