Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two words...techno handjob
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize