My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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