And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
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I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
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I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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