Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize