i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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