I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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