You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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