I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
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This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
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You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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