you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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