i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
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He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
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