My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
please come you make the beer taste better
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize