How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i drank out of a bidet.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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