i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
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I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize