I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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