There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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